The battle that rages within us the hardest to fight. War is all around us, physically and spiritually. But I am finding the war that is going on in my head is a war I’m not sure if I can keep fighting. I’m spinning my wheels. Dead end job, going to a dead end school, no idea what or where to go in life. Im going nowhere but down. Struggling with the consistent struggle to wake up with a motivation to live and fighting not to load a .223 into my AR and kill myself. The fight against pornography, lustful thoughts, hate tread, anger, depression... the fight not to cut someone’s throat open or beat the crap out of them for looking at me wrong. Trying to be everything for everybody, trying to be a leader, a counselor, an airman, and a freakn’ kid trying to enjoying life. It doesn’t work. Society today cares about money so much it makes me sick. Who gives a crap how nice your house is or what you drive or wear. As long as it don’t leak, it runs and your covered and feed, ITS OK! Our nation is spiraling out of control. The president, and his staff, are killing us all slowly. We’ve become blind and numb to the convictions that our founding fathers build this nation on. Who cares if he’s a nigger, but he sucks as a leader. (To the Secret Service or NSA that may read this: Suck it, I’m not going to kill him but sure would like to see him go) I see a small glimmer of hope in some of the kids in the youth group. They have so much potential, but I wonder if they see it in themselves. I know they will/do face a lot of crap that the adults just don’t get and they don’t feel like we, as college kids, know what or how to handle it. Freakn’ A if I can handle a weapon and not blowing my head off all these years, I think I can relate to a kid who’s going thru depression. There’s so may clicks and different groups its retarded, bloody freakn’ crap… *%)#&%)#&$(@&%&%&*#(@)!_!&*#$^%*@(!)$&%^(@)!@&$%&%$()@..... Excuse me. Anyway, Kids don’t want to hang out with kids based on age and crap like that. To freakn’ bad. Don’t hang out with someone and then go bash them as soon and you leave. No wonder God is having trouble moving in the group. And so the battles continue. The war on drugs, sex before marriage, fags, suicide… everything is a war. I’m Cherokee, Irish and German. That means I’m one with nature and the spiritual stuff, while having a short temper and being ruthless and brutal. Different people come from different back grounds and that seems to cause more problems and more issues, that’s whatever. If someone isn’t cool with who you are tell ‘em to sucks it and go kick rocks. (that’s for free it has nothing to do with anything really). Well there you go a very small portion of the craziness going on inside my head. I have found though that the more you hate your life, the more you don’t fear death. And the more you don’t fear death, the more you live life to the fullest and with no holding back… It’s a crazy cycle.
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